I don't know about other children, but my little Mara is a fantastic pooper. And by this, I mean that she has dealt Daddy and me some very interesting diaper situations. Mike had a gagging experience the first time she pooped on him (though, now he's a pro at changing diapers....putting shirts/sleeper sacks on over her head? ...he's in training. :)). She's sharted on me more than I'd like to admit. I have come to accept the fact that I am currently on this blessed earth to feed my baby, change my baby, soothe my baby, and be puked/sharted on by my baby. It's fine. While taking Shermie out for a walk today, I found myself wishing I had quiet time to read a book (Mara takes naps, but that time is quickly used cleaning, cooking for myself, eating, and tending to things like bills...okay, and a bit of facebook time - I need some entertainment! :). Anyway, I caught myself craving some time for a book, and then I stopped and realized that Mara would be a big girl before I knew it...and even though I would like to fast-forward through the days/nights when she is crying from a hurty belly or times when she isn't satisfied being anywhere but in my arms, I am so happy to be her mommy and have the chance to snuggle her and kiss her until my lips tingle (it can happen, believe me!). So, that sentiment being offered, here are some sh*tty stories. ;)
Poop up the hair
Mara's first big super messy poop. She was wearing a sleeper sack (basically a long nightie - convenient for diaper-changing in the middle of the night). Before I continue, for those of you who haven't experienced Mara's poops, she is notorious for blowing out her diapers. Well, this was one for the books. She pooped out of the top of her diaper up her back. Now, this meant the sleeper sack was soaked. You know what sucks about that? The sleeper sack has to go over her head. O.M.G. - the poop was smeared up her back and even in her HAIR, people!! There was just no way around it. She was a mess. This led to her first bath (which will be discussed further in the "Mommy Fail" section...).
Chicago Poop
On our drive back to KC from Muskegon after Christmas, Mike and I made a last-minute decision to stop in Chicago. (Chicago friends who we didn't see, please forgive me - we were there for an afternoon and left the next morning at 6am.. I wish we could have seen everyone!) Our friend Laurnay was holding Mara Lou, who was wrapped in her favorite cozy pink blanky. She was fussing for a few minutes, and then... suddenly....BOOM. Long, wet, and I am sure quite a relief to Mara. We all froze and then laughed like crazy. I told Laurnay to wait a little bit, because like deer, where there's one, there's bound to be more. After 10 minutes, I tackled the diaper. Holy smokes. Thank God Mara was wearing a onesie, tights, and a cute sweatshirt-material dress (thanks Amber!).... it didn't make it through all of the layers to the blanket, so at least that was salvaged. I'm not kidding you, it took me a solid 15 minutes to change her. It's like the chicken and the egg dilemma- you need to clean her off, but as you lay her on her changing pad, it gets dirty...and as you lift her, you have to wipe her back and the pad before she relaxes back down...all the while trying to get the wipes in the dirty diaper and slip the new one under her before she pees all over the place (she flooded her changing pad at Papa Beck's house). I think she gave quite the poopy diaper initiation to some of our ChiTown Buddies. :)
Christmas Poop
Whereas Mara's layers of clothing protected her blanket in Chicago, they did not protect Mike on Christmas day. He had just opened Scottie's gift of a Notre Dame jersey and put it on when Mara let it rip while in Mike's arms. His laughing stopped when he felt warmth on his skin...and then a wetness....Suddenly, Mara was at arm's length as he held her out and realized his brand new jersey was moistened with poo. He immediately took it off, to realize his long-sleeved shirt underneath was wet, too. [Removes layer] Yes, folks, even his undershirt was stained an awesome tan color with Mara's poop spot. 3 layers. This girl has talent! Watching Mike change her on a pool table, shirtless, was almost as funny as watching her wet-poop all over Notre Dame. :)
Hobo's Poop
On our first full day in Michigan, I had plans to meet up with a friend at Hobo's. I was taking Mara and Mike was staying in GR to workout (ahem, overachiever). About 10 minutes from Hobo's (our lunch spot), Mara started screaming. I sang, spoke to her, tried the radio...nothing worked, so I let her cry it out. I figured she was hungry, since it was about that time, and told her I'd giver her a bottle upon our arrival. Well, I gave her a few ounces in the booth, and when I went to burp her, I realized her back was half-brown. Of course, I hadn't packed clothes in her diaper bag, so I had to run out to the car, grab an outfit from her suitcase, and run back in (while my dear friend held my sweet, stinky, poop-soaked baby- bless her). The changing experience was intense. I used the pull-down changing station for the first time, all the while thinking how unsanitary it was as I laid my poopy daughter on her tiny changing pad. She was pissed because it was cold and I was trying to NOT get poop in her hair as I removed her clothes. It took 10 minutes! Geez. I feel like I'm being hazed by my daughter into the Mommy Gang.
Mommy Fail
Think back to when Mara got poop in her hair...and I decided it was time for her first bath. Well, the little bath mats that my grandma got for us were still at my dad's house in Michigan, so I searched for a make-shift bath contraption. Mara's bassinet came with a little changing pad with mini stilts that support the mat when you put it on top of the bassinet. Perfect! thought me, since the stilts would keep the mat above the water in the tub so I could wash her and keep her safe. Soo, I got a clean diaper out and ready, brought in wipes in case she decided to go potty again (which, she did, but while laying on the mat as I did all this...I discovered my baby was laying in her own urine a couple minutes later...ew). I got her towel, a wash cloth, her shampoo, and a new outfit all ready... I was PREpared.
I filled up the tub, placed the mat in there, and dipped the washcloth in the water and gently wiped it over the back of her head to check her reaction. Well, she was laying on her belly with her head to the side, and her reaction was to turn her head so that her nose/mouth were facing downward. Suddenly, she wasn't breathing. The little bit of water from the washcloth was at the bottom of the mat and she had inhaled it. I picked her up and her eyes were huge, looking at me, shocked. Her arms were straight out. I threw her over my shoulder and began smacking her back, freaking out that she wasn't yet taking in air. This whole ordeal lasted maybe 8 to 10 seconds, but I swear to you, I lost years of my life in sheer panic. Finally, she coughed and took in a beautiful breath of air, which she expelled with screams as her body turned red. I immediately left the bathroom and didn't return for a day-and-a-half.
I wasn't sure if I'd share this story on here, but after talking to experienced moms, it seems we all have things like this happen to us. So, for posterity, here's my account of my personal mommy "oops." May it serve future mommies as a reassurance that everyone makes mistakes and they are still excellent mamas who are just learning the ropes one day at a time.
Liam's Anatomy and Birds&Bees Lesson
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| Liam holding his favorite cousin :) |
"Eating," I said...knowing there would be a follow-up...
"What's she eating?" questioned Liam.
"....milk." I replied.
"Milk?" he asked, curious...
I smiled...Oh God, I know where this is going to go....
"Is it in your belly?" he asked.
Okay, Linds, this is the fork in the road... you could reply with a yes and avert this conversation, or you can just be honest and he won't be confused when he finds out the truth later...
"No.......it's in my boobs." I said.
"Your booooooobs?!" cried Liam, giggling.
"Yep."
Liam then came around the other side of the bed, hopped up, pulled up his shirt, and said, "You be the baby - you want some milk?"
Shit.
"Well, Liam, only mommies have milk for their babies. Only mommies."
Liam looked over a minute later, glanced at my boob, and said, "You have big muscles!" HA. Well, at least I got to direct the conversation toward his muscles and not where my baby was drinking from...
About 5 minutes later, my stepmom and Liam's grandma came upstairs and sat on the bed. Liam promptly touched her arm and said, "Mimi, can I have some of your milk??" Lucy...you got some 'splaining to do....
Another moment that evening...Liam came into the room while I was changing Mara's diaper. He asked, "What's that??" pointing to her girl parts. "That's her vagina," I told him. "Does she have a peepee too?" he inquired. "No," I said, "she's a girl, so she has a vagina. Boys have peepees." Fast-forward a few hours when Mike is using the bathroom....Liam opens the door, peeks his head in, and informs him, "You have a peepee and I have a peepee because we're boys," and then leaves the room.
You're welcome, Justine. ;) When it's time for Liam to have the birds and the bees conversation, you can just call us...we're clearly experts. hahaha
Parents' Night Out
For Mike's 28th birthday, I decided to give him a date night - dinner and a movie. We had asked his [awesome] co-worker to babysit Mara and we were off to Houlihan's (where I was THRILLED to try their mini martini flight - it's been 10 months since I've had a buzz...) and then were going to see Skyfall. Well, Mike had to buy dinner (that's what happens when your wife doesn't have an income) but I was excited to use a Visa gift card to buy movie tickets. We arrived to the theater to find that IT WAS SOLD OUT!!! What??? With all the new movies out, people bought all the tickets to Skyfall, which came out November 9th??? Ughhhh. So, you know what we did? We went to Blockbuster and came home early. 2 1/2 hours after we left. I felt bad for Mike's bday gift going awry, but I was also bummed we didn't get a full adult date night. This is the life of a parent, huh?
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| 10:07 p.m. |
Sweet Little Talker (video)
Here's a little clip of baby girl making noise, kicking, and being cute. (Please ignore my ridiculously high-pitched babble...she likes it best). :)
Belly Issues
Little Mara Lou still has some fussy evenings with her belly, but I have found that dairy is DEFINITELY the main culprit of her pain. We had to use some stored milk upon our homecoming after the holidays because I had taken Pepto Bismol on our ride home (mommy had some belly issues of her own) and there is something in that medicine that can be bad for babies. The stored milk was from before I knew dairy was the problem, and BOY was she in a lot of pain. Screaming. Not just crying. Screaming for a few hours. At one point, I was curled up on the bed, my head in my hands, crying right along with her as Mike took a turn bouncing her and patting her back. It was terrible. I am basically dairy-free (unless it's a tiny bit of milk or butter in a dinner recipe), and Mara's belly is significantly better.
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